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Hazlnut86
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Name: Danni
Birthday: 9/15/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: dancing, singing, random walks, random drives, praying, spending time with friends, chillin with my brother, Aqua Tenn Hunger Force, old school parties, reading my Bible, phone calls, real mail from long distance friends, the beach, long distance phone calls, hiking, mt. climbing (the fake walls count), star gazing, laughing as much as possible
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  sweetembrace119
Member Since:
8/5/2003
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| I graduate from Temple on May 14th... how did time go by so fast?
I've been accepted to 5 graduate schools: Columbia, NYU, Temple, Pitt, and West Chester.
After a month of visiting classes, and research, I've decided to attend NYU. Columbia was the only major competition, but I decided I mostly wanted to go there for the prestige and stigma. I would fit into NYU. I feel at home there.
It feels really good to know what my next step is going to be. A lot of my peers are not so sure about what comes next, and I thank God that I'm not living with that kind of fear.
Life continues to be hectic in these last few months. I still love being an RA and find tremendous joy in working with first year college students.
Last night, I went to an all night dance a thon fundraiser. I had a great time. It demonstrated to me a few things about myself. Primarily how much more confident I am now. I think that I truly am comfortable in my skin and confident of my abilities. It is wonderful to have entered this more mature place.
I'm excited to go to New York and see what changes will happen over my last 2 years of schooling.
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| So... I am having the most incredible year. It is really really difficult, but I tend to thrive in these situations. I am way overbooked physically and emotionally. Yet in that, I've met many amazing people and seen some really big things happen. I wanted to update this... but I find that it is hard to put anything into words. So in conclusion, life has me speechless. | | |
| This summer has been nothing at all like I planned it to be. In some ways thats is wonderful and in others it is quite sad.
All my room mates have moved out except me, so I'm living in an empty apartment for another 48 hours. It's kinda sad and yet kinda wonderful.
RA training starts in 15 days. I'm excited because it too is gonna be wonderful, but sad because the summer is ending.
Does wonderful always accompany sad, and vice versa?
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| I feel like I've become complacent in my faith recently. This sucks. Yet my own laziness has stopped me from fixing that.
I visited my friend Peter today. He worked with me last summer. He goes to school about 45 minutes from me, and it took us 9 months to actually get together. That was silly. I hope it doesn't take another 9 months before I see him again. I forgot how good it feels to be in the company of someone who is so sure and strong in his faith and someone who is so invested in social justice and missions. I wish to be more active in my concerns for this world. I am determined to become more missional. This requires me to kick my laziness in the butt. Peter inspires me, and Lord knows I needed some inspiration. Perhaps you might feel inclined to pray that I take action on this inspiration. Thanks to those who do.
Today dug up a lot of feelings I quite forgot about. How interesting...
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| So every teenager/young adult has to go through this particularly harsh stage of development called the identity crisis. We are forced to figure out who we are, and though it seems to be a never ending question, it is particularly hard at this stage. I hypothesize that this is because it is the first time we really identify ourselves separately from family and friends (or at least try to).
Most people who know me, know that I am a very reflective person. I can't seem to help it. So I've already hashed through a significant portion of "figuring out who I am." Well, in high school I had a mild crisis about one specific topic but never worked through it. This topic is race. Now, I don't blame you if you stop reading here. Race is a touchy and scary topic. It really is ashame that society has made it that way; it could be a beautiful part of identity (for some it is). Nevertheless, I understand that some may not be comfortable and that's not really their fault per se.
Recently I decided that I wanted to learn more about my ethnic background. I'm white and I'm black, but what kind of white and what kind of black? I've learned that my white side of the family has been in PA since 1786. We can't trace it back any further than that. So for my own pleasure I've decided that I am a Pilgrim. I am half Pilgrim/English. My black side of the family is from Nassau, Bahamas dating back pretty far. So I am half Nassuvian. Now that's cool.
Well after considering what my ethnic heritage is, I then started to think about the implications of these ethnicities. To be quite honest, I don't feel any more English or Caribbean or whatever. In fact, I contend that those things don't make up my identity at this time. What does it mean to be "half and half" or "mixed"? (Apparently those terms are looked down on...) Now starts my pity party... Although I don't believe that these things define me personally, I know that they very much do for others. My proof for this is the very rude and yet somehow acceptable question, "so what are you anyway?" Well, I'm a person (I thought). Oh you mean why don't I have less ambiguous features? Why don't I look/act quite black enough or look/act quite white enough or hispanic enough or whatever some assume that I am? Well, I don't know. I am a combination of all of these things, that has formed a new creation. I am not both or other or mixed, I am a new creation. I don't know what name to put on it, and that's why this is hard for me to talk about.
When I tried to deal with this in high school, I felt ashamed for not knowing who I am, for not looking the same as my peers, for not having one identity. Now I'm beginning to see the beauty in it. I've been blessed with a new category, and with that I get to make my own culture. I wouldn't say that I've come to racial identity achievement, because I still get nervous when people ask me "so what are you anyway?" and I still get angry when I have to check African American or white or other (perhaps none of these would be a more appropriate check box). I am however excited to start to explore what my ancestors were and how that has affected who I am.
Perhaps I will need to make a trip to the Bahamas and England (once I've confirmed I'm a pilgrim from England that is :)
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